Life is whats happening while we're busy making other plans

The night before our flight from Delhi to London, Vajralilas Dad phoned to say her mum had gone into critical care, emphysema and infection. So we came straight from the plane the next day to Colchester hospital. She seemed stable and we went to Eastbourne to change bags, but a few days later she was more seriously ill, she had pneumonia and psdumonus. So Vajralila went straight back to discover the consultant has said she has a 50/50 chance of recovery! So Vajralila encouraged Sudakini to carry on with her retreat at taraloka and Vajralila is back in Colchester staying with amalaketu and Anona, a 20 minute walk from the hospital. We have paid £200 odd for a non refundable visa interview in a few weeks, for the USA, we have all sorts of train tickets we booked in advance months ago that are useless. We have no income only out goings. Vajralila can't let Taraloka know when and if she will be there to do cooking on 5 retreats. This said just to show that going forth isn't about having it all nicely planned out. Somehow, doing the right thing and taking it one day at a time is working at the moment. It all seems a bit out of time and space and so much is unknown, mainly Vajralilas Mums recovery which overides all else in importance right now.

We have 10 days left in Bodhgaya and want to savor every moment. The busy season is over. Most visitors, some who spend 3-4 months of every year in here, from diverse Buddhist traditions based in the East and West, have headed North to the mountains and cooler climes. Bodhgaya gets steadily hotter and dustier (if that's possible) by the day. And There are still a few Dharmacharis and Dharmacharinis (members of the Western Buddhist Order / Trailokya Bauddha Mahasangha, as its known in India) to be seen around the Bodhi tree. Our international convention finished the day before yesterday and most people have continued on pilgrimage to other sacred sites in India, or headed back to jobs and families back home. But we are still here!
The convention was a remarkable event, especially the early mornings and evenings when nearly five hundred of us in various shades of blue and kesas, gathered for meditation and puja under the Bodhi tree. The Mahabodhi temple is familiar with large numbers of Tibetan, Srilankan and Thai pilgrims but this was the first time WBO and TBM were really visible here. I get a sense our presence had a positive impact. Many Buddhists from other traditions sat with us, even chanted with us, some bowed to show respect and some just gazed or took photos. The faces appeared open and friendly.
Now we are back to a more spacious, and quiet routine of our own making, wanting to make the most of our last days here near the Bodhi tree and Vajrasana. On 13th March we fly back to England. Vajralila will spend 6 weeks at Taraloka and Sudakini some time there and elsewhere. Our plans for our trip to America are slowly progressing.

not empy, not not empy, not neither and not both!

Well, Sudakini is now better! She had tablets to treat Giardia and amoebic dysentery! Apparently the doctor has a habit of overperscribing, a guy in our guest house said if you go with a head ache you will be given a morphine injection!

We are in the swing of cooking for ourselves more. Usually papaya, banana and lemon for breakfast. Tibetan bread and marmalade another favorite. We had pasta today. Really enjoy getting fresh veg in the morning, you have too get it each day as it goes off so quick in the heat. Common veg is green peppers, tomatoes, pees, aubergine, carrots, chilies, beans, spinach. We got a weird spiky thing the other day. The man said to peel it and fry it. It was like a mixture between potatoes, aubergine and parsnip, very nice. Veg is incredibly cheap, like 1p for 6 tomatoes. Chai is gorgeous and Sudakini has mastered the art of making this. Cheese is a luxury here and even then its expensive and processed. Vajralila misses pizza a bit.

A woman staying in our guest house is a chod teacher and gave us a lesson yesterday. We feel like beginners again. We had picked up many bad habits and are having to re learn the technique. Humility is a good thing of course.

Vajralila is immersed in her 'what is emptiness' project and is reading 'pointing out the Dharmakaya' and 'The understanding heart' by Tich nat hahn. Both are excellent. Sudakini already seems to have know for a long time what Vajralila is learning.

Our new chapter has formed and stormed and any time soon we expect it to perform. The FWBO land is in the process of being transformed for the convention in a few weeks. Things are changing fast. Gardens emerging and a massive wooden frame that will be a structure under canvas is looking impressive. Buddhas are being made out of stone and a bamboo bridge appeared this week. At present 24 Indian women are staying there, with their cooks, All 30 in one room. These women got ordained as Bikkunis a few days ago (they needed somewhere safe to stay) which is pretty radical as women are not recognised as able to have full ordination in the Theravada tradition but they persuaded somone to conduct the ordination and managed to find Bikkhus to be there to witness it to make it authentic, although the Bikkhus wouldn't put there name to it (apparently they could loose their passports if they did!) it seems to have been enough to count. We and Aranyaka were there to be supportive and the next day Sudakini and I bought 24 potions of this special indian sweet treat for them to celebrate, we offered it to each woman and then they had us kneel with our eyes closed while they chanted blessings for us. It was very special.

Thank you to those who read and comment, it helps us feel connected xxxxx

timeless

sudakini is trying to combat a persistent tummy bug and has been in bed for three days. Vajralila has enjoyed following her own impulses in the meantime (whilst also caring for the patient); she has been getting up at 5.30 and meditation at the mahabodhi temple. Our chod critic from the other day later came up to us on another occassion after our practice, smiling and asking us to take on the care of some puppies she had been feeding since she was soon to leave. we took this friendly approach as an apology and thought the demon must have been fully fed and transformed. We changed rooms today - hoooray!! now in an upstairs room which is lighter and airier. The niyingma prayer festval has finished and tibetans, ladakhis, nepalis and bhutanese are now flooding out of bodhgaya. Maybe we will have more quiet time now and less crowds everywhere. Sudakinis main focus of practice at the moment is equanimity towards upleasant physical symptoms - after all, there is no me and mine! Vajralila is, in contrast, experiencing dhyana in her meditations and contemplating the meaning of co-emergence and the emptiness of the five skandhas... It all counts. Still three weeks to go until the convention. We are hearing many expressions of gratitude towards other order members who have spent many years coming to Bodhgaya and connecting with the locals - they have contributed in many ways to people here. Nissoka and Lalitavajras names are mentioned often. We are using the computer at Sashi's thanka painting school. Sashi is an indian mitra who studied thanka painting in nepal. We have to finish up cause Annise is waiting to lock up.

some reflections

It is proving interesting to be amongst so many other Buddhist groups here. All thinking their way is the best but all practising at the same site and following the same goal. The practise is in feeling judged as inferior because we don't wear robes and are not monastic, and for not having a 'Guru', its also in judging them for practising rites and rituals as ends in themselves. The Mahabodhi temple is like a big mandala in which everything is held, all the energy of craving and aversion as well as Bodhichitta and its all circumambulating this spot, The Bodhi tree and has the potential for transformation.
2 days ago we did Chod at the site and at the end an angry woman said, 'If you knew anything about chod you wouldn't be doing it at this time'. She was very abusive, right in front of the tree, we certainly did call up the demons, anyway this knocked our confidence and checked out with Lama Tsultrim Allione that it was ok to do Chod anytime and she said it was and also you can do special chod and dusk and dawn when the veil in between the worlds is at the thinnest.
We have been causing ourselves grief by being dissatisfied with the room we have which is dark, smelly, has mossies and is next to a bathroom in which people have this habit her of reaching to the depths of their being and making a heel of a racket bringing phlegm up and spitting it, this is the sound we Wake up to and go to sleep to. We wont add information about the slum and its dogs and children and outside noises at risk of sounding negative. Or the babbling brook of rubbish and sewage and goodness knows how many diseases. No, instead we have seen that by complaining and focusing on looking for a better places has made things worst, Yesterday we reached acceptance. We realised we had gone through the stages of 1. Denial, its not happening and will change any minute, 2. Bargaining, plotting ways to fix it, all with new faults though, 3. Anger, It shouldn't be this way and its not fair, 4. Depression/Despair, Resignation, it will just be bad and lastly 5. Acceptance, give in to what is, stop wasting energy in trying to fix it. This released energy and actually theres a lovely view on the roof top terrace, it feels safe, its near everything and we have some anonymity. We are promised a room upstairs in 5 or 6 days with a window!

we arrived in Bodhgaya yesterday. The tain left on time and arrived early! We booked into the root intitute which is lovely. Simple. There is a massive prayer wheel in the couryard. It is very tibetan with bright colours and prayer flags and big rupas as well as trees and flowers. We are on retreat tomorrow with Dagri Rimpoche and a nun who has just come out of a 6 year solitary. Should be intersting. Feel in need of meditation and reflection.

We met Nissoka and Aranyaka at our FWBO land here and they were great company to spend the evening with. We circumambulated the Mahabodi temple. It is a strong place to be and being here for 6 weeks we plan to make it a daily practice to go there.

a quiet day

after 12 days of non stop activity we are having a quiet day at the homestay with funny tummies both. missing chenrezig initiations and bodhisattva vows today apparently. i think we kind of have these already with our ordination - the line of acceptance 'for the benefit of all beings' and joining the order that on a mythic archetypal level is considered as the thousand armed form of avalokitesvara (chenrezig in tibetan). i don't feel i am missing out. i am enjoying a day of rest. its an interesting experience connecting with our brothers and sisters in the dharma from other traditions. surrounded by maroon robed monks and fans of tibetan buddhism it could be easy to feel an interloper. we are doing 7 fold puja daily - connecting fully with the subject of the dalai lamas teaching on the bodhicaryavatara. its not possible to hear the same dharma teachings too many times. it just goes in deeper each time. last night a southafrican woman, kerry, joined us in our room for the puja. great to be able to connect so easily with a new person in this way. We have a tip for possibly renting an appartment in bodhgaya for the duration of our stay there. We'll see. things rarely seem to be what we expect or hope for since we arrived in india. it really is the going forth we invited. letting go all the time.